Party Girl

January 31, 2009
Yesterday, Jaden celebrated the Chinese New Year with her Parent/Toddler classmates. I dressed her in her cheongsam-ish outfit we picked up in Japan over the summer and stuffed 15 red envelopes each with a quarter and a sticker.

We first took Mikey to his preschool where he and J presented Mikey's teacher with a red envelope. (Mikey's class also celebrated the CNY yesterday.)
Then we headed to Jaden's school. Luckily it was our turn to bring the class snack so along with the string cheese and bananas, we served fortune cookies. (Mike noticed the fortunes were written in English and Spanish, not Chinese, but Spanish. Only in California.) She attended her afternoon OT appointment in her cute little outfit and even wore it to her tri-monthly blood draw immediately after. See the band aid? And at the end of the day, she STILL looks yummy!

Earlier this week:
What is it they say, "If you can't beat 'em, let 'em join you"?, or something to that effect. I really don't think I have a choice in the matter.

I'm tellin' ya...

January 30, 2009
I've got me some ja-goofy-butt kids.

Communication is the Key

January 28, 2009
As Jaden gets more acclimated and excels in her therapies, I've noticed her babbling A LOT. Clear vowel, double-consonant sounds, but always babble. She's been doing this consistently for a few weeks now and we're very relieved because the lack of communication has been extremely frustrating for her, to the point of uncontrollable anguish. So I hear her constantly "talking" in the backgroud and will often, mindlessly, talk back to her to keep her going. We were doing this yesterday when,

"Kee Kee"

"Heeya"

"Baw"

I whipped my head around to see Jaden handing a ball to Mikey. "Mikey. Here. Ball." I'm definitely going to start truly listening now.

Speaking of communicating with a little one, Mike and I make a point of going to all first specialist visits together, as was the case for Jaden's first Occupational Therapy appointment 2 weeks ago. Mikey in tow, we were led to a huge room full of gym equipment, bins of beans & balls, toys, ropes, swings, etc. I think it was called the Sensory Room. Right inside the door was a small open space, perfect for Mikey to quietly play with his train set while we followed Jaden and her OT around.

A few minutes into the appointment, another therapist in the room came over to me, gestured towards Mikey and snapped, "Is he a patient?" "No but both parents are here for our daughter's evaluation." "Then he needs to leave." (I swear on my hampster's grave she had fangs.) "No, he will not leave because we need to be here for our daughter's evalution and I will not have him sit in the lobby by himself. So, no. I'm sorry but nobody is leaving." and I went back to observing Jaden. Ms. Sour OT literally "Hmmmphfft", turned on her heels and stomped out. (Pretty funny since 'Does your child stomp' was on the sensory questionaire.)

I walked over to Mikey and whispered to him that he should maybe be a little more quiet. "But why do the other kids get to play and I can't?" "Well, they have some problems and the doctors are trying to help them." (What else do you say to a 4 year old????) He looked down sadly and said, "OK, Mommy". I patted his head and went back across the vast room to join Jaden in progress.

No sooner than I sat down, Ms. Sour OT walked in with her 6-7 year old patient. Cute as a button, this little boy clearly had issues as he bounded in, yelling and wildly swinging his arms. "MOM. MOM" I looked over at Mikey. "IS THIS BOY A SICKO?" (Stinkin' SpongeBob. I blame everything bad on SB even though it's not watched in our house). I cringed and tried to crawl inside myself as Mike got up and said, "We'll be in the lobby."

Rose-Colored Glasses

January 26, 2009
I spend a good portion of each day sitting at my computer working (or shopping, surfing, downloading music, watching YouTube, blogging), but mostly working. The only people I fraternize with all day are a 2 year old girl who communicates with her brother by grunting, screaming or speaking in tongues, a 4 year boy old who acts like a 2 year old girl 90% of the time, and my neurotic friend/business partner, Kathy. There are some days we have SO MUCH deadline stress that everything is funny, literally everything.

All it takes is P*ris H*lton sobbing in the back of a police cruiser and it's over. WAAAAHHHH HAAAAAA HAAAAA! Roll to the ground, blot dripping mascara off our cheeks, snort like swines, stopping only long enough to reenact our own versions of the drama. Yeah, pretty sick but eventually we compose ourselves and mumble sympathy for the heir head (or not).

Usually, though, we make our own humor. Take last week for example. After a major WWF between the kiddie-monsters while I was on a conference call, we sat there dumbfounded assessing the damage. Popcorn strewn across the floor, garbage can knocked over, toys piled up, Nutella smeared into the couch cushion, dirty kids passed out on the floor, Sponge seriously-never-allowed-in-this-house Bob playing in the background.

"Kids aren't supposed to live in such filth. Maybe one of us should call CeePeeS." This sent us straight into the depths of major laughing seizures that must have lasted 10 minutes, but know what? While picking our punch-drunk selves up off the floor and wiping our wet swollen eyes, I looked over at the KMs and my heart swelled with the most incredible love. And all it took was a little humor (as well as some elbow grease to clean up and delicately move each child to his/her bed).

So if you, my blogging friends, ever get accused of wearing rose-colored glasses (i.e. using humor to mask hardship), well it sure beats being blind.

With that, I think I'm officially out of fuel.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Accomplishments & Reflections

January 25, 2009
First, the Accomplishment: Part of every developmental evaluation we've had done, even for Mikey, assesses a child's block stacking skill. Mikey was able to do this early on, but this seemingly simple task has illuded J until last night.

She stacked 3-4 high a few times. Sure, we did it about 25 times but even one time is cause for celebration. Now I can let her therapists know she has passed Blocks 101 and maybe she can advance a month on her skills scale.

Now the Reflection: I've been thinking about yesterday's post regarding Nasty-Anonymous-Comment-Leavers, or 'NACLeS', who cannot resist going public with their mean, nonsensical rantings and I'm convinced a different approach is in order. (After all, these beings suffer from a disorder of sorts, maybe an addiction or compulsion.) Having received an honorary psychiatry degree, compliments of Reality TV, I know appealing to his/her humanitarian[sic] side is not the way to go. The best thing to do is to provide them with an outlet or diversion. So to fulfill my annual public service duty, I dug up a few website where NACLeS can post as many self-righteous, offensive, vile, rotten, condescending comments as they'd like.

http://www.wellsfargosucks.com/

http://www.jetblue.com/help/contactus/help_contact_problems.aspx

http://www.corp.att.com/contact/

And please, feel free to mention that I, Ramona, recommended you visit.

Having it All

January 23, 2009
Normally Mike takes Jaden to her parent/toddler program but this Friday he had to work out of town so I had the honor of accompanying her.
I went with her on her first day and until now, haven't had the opportunity to take her again. WOW - she's doing SO well in this environment. She roams the room on her own, "visits" with the other parents and takes interest in each activity. And, yes, she IS just that beautiful.

Later that afternoon I took her to her occupational therapy appointment. She happily escorted the therapist behind closed doors while I took the hour to literally slouch in the couch, read an old magazine and play around on my BB. An hour later, she "ran" out to me with outstretched arms. I quote ran because she actually hop/scuffles due to her right side weakness (physical therapy issue). As I grabbed her up, her therapist said, "She's doing fantastic and she's so very smart!"

Up until this point, I was feeling ambivalent(?), defeated(?), overwhelmed(?) not sure how to describe it - let's just say I had some troubling thoughts swirling up there - thoughts prompted by criticism discussions on other blogs as of late regarding the treatment of adopted children, SAHM vs. career mom, etc. Anyway, in that moment, it all melted away. "She's doing fantastic and she's so very smart!" This is a phrase I keep hearing over and over and over again from professionals.

This has been an extremely challenging period in my life, integrating a new toddler, tending to a transitioning 4 year old, running a household and working full time. I'll admit, our family expansion has not been what I'd imagined. I was prepared for the challenges of international adoption. I was prepared for the grief and even welcomed it (better bonding). I was even prepared for the notorious questions such as "Where'd you get her?"

What I wasn't prepared for was our son's regression and clinginess. I was not prepared for Jaden's developmental issues having thought she was on target the whole time. I was not prepared for her fully intact 1+ year old toddler personality. I was not prepared for the reality of quadrupling our kid load. (I jest not - I'm convinced each of my kids is really two and all 4 are super intelligent.) I was not prepared for the gravity-defying balancing act between SAHM-dom and CareerWoman-dom. And I am most certainly not prepared to concede that I can't 'have it all' nor should I be coaxed/bullied into doing so - there's nothing wrong with wanting to have children as well as tend to a very marketable skill and make extra money doing so. The latter of which is a necessity for my children.

Please don't get me wrong. I KNOW we made our own decisions and I KNOW we're beyond lucky. Jaden is sweet, funny, extremely cuddly and smart not to mention incredibly gorgeous and I've grown to love her in that calm, 'deep in the soul' love that only a MOM can feel. Mikey - what a little warrior and a miracle in his own right. Brandon is turning out to be a respectable young man. And we both have careers we love that allow us the flexibility to care for our children in-home. I'm not implying everyone should do it 'my way'. I know moms who are SAHMs and others who have careers outside the home. They ALL have challenges, each with it's own set of heartache and triumph. My point is that it's destructive and harmful to offer up unsolicited judgement pearls of wisdom (and anonymous at that!), especially when the circumstances are unknown to the pearl-leaver.

So we'll continue to chug along each day as Jaden works hard at achieving developmental milestones, Mikey works hard at being a tenacious 4 year old boy again, Brandon works hard at being a shared custody teenager, and I work hard at being a stay-at-home/paying-career/have-it-all mom. I'll complain, feel sorry for myself, roll my eyes at the kiddie-monster antics and let them watch TV, but criticize as one might, those KMs are happy, they've made great strides, I have a fabulous husband and I wouldn't take any other path.

Big Day All Around

January 20, 2009
There's 3 things happening for us today. 1) First and foremost, our new president will be sworn into office, 2) I register Mikey for kindergarten and 3) it's our 8th wedding anniversary.

Working backwards - our wedding anniversary. Actually, we make a bigger deal of our first date anniverary than our wedding one (which we forgot last year!)

Our first face-to-face meeting was a blind date of sorts so I set up an escape plan with a friend if I didn't like the package. Mike and I met up at a popular bar in old town, did a little sidewalk shopping then had dinner. Not being much of a small conversationalist myself, I fell in love with how much Mike could talk. I distinctly remember thinking, "Wow. He can talk." And being 2 days before Valentines Day, he made me a card by hand. This guy really knew how to work it. Not wanting to end the evening, we sat for hours talking or rather, Mike talking and me happily listening. I even remember the music playing in the background. So there you have it. January 20th is simply a formality to us because February 12th is when it really started. We have dinner at the same restaurant every 12th.

Needless to say, I didn't use my escape plan and here we are, 8 years later with 2 kid-monsters - who woulda thunk. Here's pics of us tying the knot in South Lake Tahoe. Afterwards everyone boarded a ferry for our reception on the lake. Now on to the more important news of the day. WOW! Look at all the people in Washington DC today!! Gotta tell you, Michelle Obama is definitely one of the most beautiful first ladies we've ever had. And I love seeing past presidents come together like this, especially on innauguration day. So much dignity. So now I'm off to register for kindergarten, get some work done and watch the East coast festivities.

8 Years and 80 More to Come

January 19, 2009
Since it's our 8 year anniversary tomorrow, we put together an impromptu celebration weekend, kiddie-monsters in tow. Spent the first day at Sugar Bowl Ski Resort snowboarding then headed up to Reno for the night. We spent more money playing games at Circus Circus than our hotel room cost and we had dinner at an oh-so-sinfully-nasty buffet where Mikey and J got amped up on sugar.

The next day we went sledding at Granlibakken Ski Resort where we got this great pic of our snowbunnies.

On the way home we drove through South Lake Tahoe where we were married. Romantic anniversary weekend? Maybe not. A fun one? You betcha!

Teachers Come in all Sizes

January 11, 2009
Jaden is now officially two years old and still wears 12 month clothing. I actually kind of like it that way because she's easy to carry and not growing out of her clothing. She also makes Mikey look big which is good for his ego.


We had a small birthday dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory with Grandma, Grandpa and a friend's teenage kids. The service was horrible and I was almost an hour late because I got stuck on the phone with a client emergency. Thank goodness J could have cared less but we're hoping to do a much better job next year. Here she is with her first ever birthday cake.

Notice the photo fuzziness. It's not my bad picture taking skills - it's a ruined lense compliment of my kiddie-monsters.

Saturday we attended a Saint Lucy's Center reunion of sorts in the Bay Area. Sister Tong who overseas the SLC program in Taiwan was visiting. I got a few pictures but due to the "lens problem" everything is super fuzzy. I'm counting on Tiff, one of my adoption lifeline sisters, to provide good pics on her blog soon. Until then here's the one that came out half way decent.

Had our first occupational therapy visit last Friday and it looks like we've added another weekly appointment to our schedule. Our little T-Wonst does, indeed, have a sensory disorder or two. We're not alarmed since we've BTDT with Mikey. The main one they'll be working on is her method of self-soothing (meltdown).

Having been with us for only 6 short months, Jaden's ability to understand our words is nothing short of phenomenal. Even things we rarely say such as 'pick that up and throw it away' is followed to a 'T'. The sad part is that she has a very difficult time getting us to understand her which often leads to frustration on everyone's part. We've been working on signing but she either ignores us or becomes angry. I discussed this with the social worker who gave me a laundry list of suggestions, all of which we've tried. Then she made a very simple one, "Teach Mikey signing". Resigned to trying yet another fruitless method, I got a treat I knew they'd both love and the 3 of us sat triangular on the kitchen floor. When Mikey wanted some he'd sign 'more' accompanied by the word. After 5 or 6 times, Jaden signed it and said it! She did this until the treat was gone and has consistently used the more sign since then. I can't believe I didn't think of this on my own considering Jaden always copies Mikey.

Speaking of copying her older brother, here's a fun little video to show you just that. Enjoy!

Happy Birthday To You~

January 7, 2009
Happy 2nd birthday J!

Love,

Your Family

Sharing The Day

January 5, 2009
As promised, I've put together a Gotcha Day video. It ended up being a bigger deal than I'd planned because, well, this whole adoption journey ended up being a bigger deal than I'd planned.

I've been hesitant about posting a Gotcha Day video because it was a very sad day, especially for Jaden so don't be surprised if I you can't find it later (I may remove it). When I talk about Jaden's transformation since day one, it includes the whole family with the exception of Mike - he's been a rock since day one. I still shake my head when I watch footage of Jaden screaming at him and in return, he kisses the top of her head. I'd have a mighty big heart if it was even half the size of my husband's.

There are two reasons I finally decided to share this. Not only would I like other families adopting toddlers to know there's light, big light, at the end of the tunnel, but I'd also like to acknowledge those who spent time with Jaden while she was at SLC, when she first came home and who continue to be an integral part of her life. Each of them had a hand in getting us where we are today, so thank you.

Heading into the New Year

January 3, 2009
Yesterday morning we packed up and left Tahoe. On the way home, we stopped at a favorite ski resort, Sugar Bowl. Not much luck - it was snowing heavily and the slopes were under high winds. Mikey did a little boarding but didn't like the 'bugs biting his cheeks'.

Here's a few videos of the kiddie-monsters. The first one is of Jaden. While Mikey hit the slopes with Mike, we sat together at the outdoor firepit and people watched. She was shockingly joyous for most of the trip. I say shockingly because we expected her to be grumpy in the cold weather. So either she really enjoyed it or she was too cold to do much else. You can judge for yourself.


I've watched the above video of Jaden several times this morning, shaking my head at her transformation. I've decided it's such an incredible metamorphosis that I'll be uploading an SLC Gotcha Day clip later this week so stay tuned.

Back on track, here's the video of Mikey we uploaded to youtube. I shamelessly tagged it with Rossignol and Burton just in case they're hunting for kids to sponsor.

Bring in 2009!

January 2, 2009
First post of 2009 is of my 'Undie Head'. She likes to dig through clean laundry for that perfect hat.
Happy New Year!!